Sunday, December 22, 2013

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Short Review: You've already seen all the best bits in the trailer

When watching the movie, I felt as though I had already seen all the best bits before, in the trailer. The first half of the movie featured Walter Mitty and his fantastical imaginings that are at times funny, while the second half of the movie felt like a National Geographic documentary. The movie lacked the emotional heft and storyline to back up the lovely visuals. The movie ends up being very boring because it is so predictable as well; from the start I knew where the missing negative was and what the missing negative would feature, which took out a lot of the fun/mystery I would have watching the movie.

Nebraska Short Review: Nearly as dull as the small town American life it depicts

Nebraska the movie is as slow-paced as the small town life it depicts, and about as interesting. The film starts with the highly ridiculous premise of an old man who is sent one of those lottery scams in the mail. Convinced he's won a million dollars, he manages to coerce his son to take him from Montana to Nebraska to collect his winnings. Unfortunately, the story meanders and doesn't go anywhere. Recommended only if you want a glimpse of American small town life, or if you are fan of Alexander Payne's recently acclaimed The Descendants starring George Clooney.

August: Osage County Short Review: Awesome Ensemble Cast

The entire cast shines in this film adaptation of the Broadway play August: Osage County. It is a delight to see two acting juggernaut Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts constantly have a go at each other as embattled mother and daughter. Benedict Cumberbatch as unemployed 37-year old Little Charles Aiken and his on-screen father played by Chris Cooper steal the few scenes they are in in this female-dominated family dramedy.

Saving Mr Banks Short Review: Absolutely Delightful Little Movie

Tom Hanks and Emma Thompson are absolutely fantastic in their roles as Walt Disney and Mary Poppins author P. L. Travers. Unabashedly sentimental yet not cloyingly so, this is a lovely and delightful little film to catch during the holidays. Four out of five stars for me.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Left Me Feeling Desolated

Let me start by saying how badly I wanted to like The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. I had been counting down the days for the last few months and it was with bated breath that I went to see it on Saturday, only to be crushingly disappointed by the end results. Warning: minor spoilers ahead as I state the many beefs with the movie I have below.

Like many other reviews have pointed out, this installment of the Hobbit trilogy is vastly superior to the first Hobbit movie, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. However, sometimes it feels that such an assessment gives the movie more praise than it warrants.

Like the first movie, this movie continues to be bloated, overlong and in this instance, suffers from middle narrative issues as well. Not much progress seems to be made by our band of dwarves and one hobbit, as they get into scrape after scrape as they try to reach the mountain where Smaug now dwells in order to retrieve the Arkenstone, which will give Thorin Oakenshield, the exiled king of the dwarves the right to call on his kinsmen to battle or some such, as explained at the beginning of the movie in a meeting between Gandalf and Thorin 12 months before the events of the second Hobbit movie really begins.

There is a strong sense of unwelcome deja vu as one watches the first Hobbit movie, and the problem persists here as well. As with The Two Towers (the second movie in the Lord of the Rings trilogy), where the characters have been separated and have to continue on different quests and journeys, this happens as well in this movie. Unfortunately, unlike in The Two Towers where the disparate journeys have been edited almost seamlessly to weave a tight narrative, here the effort is jarringly jerky, making the movie seem very very disjointed. While I do understand that music plays an integral role in telling us how to feel when watching a movie, as in the first Hobbit movie, I felt endlessly manipulated when themes used in the Lord of the Rings trilogy are reused to try to evoke happy memories and feelings associated with a particular character or object, which instead of successfully evoking whatever emotion I am supposed to feel, just ends up leaving a very sour taste in my mouth.

Along their journey, they are met by faces old and new. Beorn the shapeshifting bear is disappointingly underwhelming in his short interaction with Gandalf and the dwarves, being much more fascinating and charismatic in the book. I am a fan of the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit books, but I am by no means a strict purist. I was fine with Arwen turning into a sword-wielding Elf-maiden in The Fellowship of the Ring (first Lord of the Rings movie), and was nonplussed by the angry outrage of many fans. And so, I was fine with Orlando Bloom reprising his role as Legolas even though he never actually appears in the Hobbit book. His father Thranduil is the elvenking in the Hobbit, it does make a certain sort of sense that his son Legolas would be hanging around in Mirkwood when the dwarves are captured by Thranduil's elves. Similarly, I was fine with the complete creation of the elven warrior maiden Tauriel by the movie's scriptwriters to create some sort of female presence in the very very male-dominated Hobbit Middle-earth universe. That being said, weaving an inter-species love triangle amongst Legolas, Tauriel and a dwarf does beggar belief and stretches things too far into the realm of fan fiction. Likewise, the expansion of the characterization of Luke Evans' Bard the Bowman, who in the movie is demoted to being just Bard the Bargeman, while understandable since Bard is pretty much a cipher in the book, takes the expansion too far and cause the movie to unreasonably drag.

With the addition of new characters and the expansion of existing ones, where does that leave the characters in the title, the titular hobbit Martin Freeman's Bilbo Baggins and his nemesis the dragon Benedict Cumberbatch's Smaug? Apart from moments where Bilbo begins to get corrupted by the ring and the many times he has to get the dwarves out of the scrapes that they have gotten themselves into, poor Bilbo seems to have been relegated to the background of the film and it feels like for most of it, he is just standing around not really doing much as the dwarves try to figure out their next move.

The encounter between Bilbo and Smaug, while a delight in the film that almost reaches the giddy heights of Bilbo's encounter with Gollum in the first movie, nevertheless gets ruined when, rather than have this encounter continue to play out between the two of them, brings the dwarves into the equation. The result? Long tedious chase scenes where Smaug (despite his professed ability to smell dwarves) fails to eat or fry any of the dwarves. And then it gets worse; the dwarves then try to pull off a MacGyveresque plot to kill the dragon which laughably and predictably fails. Then, before you know it, the movie abruptly ends, causing the guy sitting in front of me to start shouting at the screen. Usually when a middle movie ends, at least something has been resolved and then we are left with some other danger that looms on the horizon. Not so here. None, and I mean NONE, of the many different story threads get resolved one way or another and the audience as a whole is left hanging over a wide precipice, with no resolution to be had anywhere.

All this being said, would I recommend that people go and see the movie? By all means, they should if they have been waiting all year to see it. The movie, despite its many many flaws, still manages to be mildly entertaining, is good value for your movie money, and is not a bad way to while away nearly three hours of your time. You might however, end up coming out of the cinema more frustrated than satisfied though, like I did.

Two out of five stars for me.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Review: This Is As Perfect As A Book-Into-Movie Adaptation As It Can Get

I am a huge huge fan of the Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins, and while I did somewhat enjoyed The Hunger Games (2012) directed by Gary Ross, I didn't agree with his vision of the book; some of the changes made from book to movie seemed to serve no purpose and were at times, just frankly baffling because they didn't add to the story or helped to tighten it in any way.

Cue my relief when it was reported that he would not be returning to direct the sequel, Catching Fire and that Francis Lawrence, the director of the post-apocalyptic movie I am Legend and the romance drama Water for Elephants, would be stepping in instead. While I had not been overly impressed by I am Legend myself, I did enjoy the underrated Water For Elephants, and felt that Lawrence's directing credentials would better equip him to direct a thoughtful action movie rather than Ross, director of such small and intimate movies like Pleasantville and Seabiscuit.

And he is. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire is about as perfect as a book-into-movie adaptation can get. It is the best book-into-movie adaptation I have ever watched, and that includes the Harry Potter series and even The Lord of the Rings trilogy (Sorry Legolas!). All the changes made from the book to the movie made sense, either to tighten the story or to create a better narrative flow. Also, gone are the annoying shaky camera techniques so liberally employed by Ross in the previous movie. Under Lawrence's guidance, and with a tight screenplay by Simon Beaufoy (Slumdog Millionaire) and Michael DeBruyn (pseudonym for Michael Arndt, Little Miss Sunshine, Toy Story 3) the movie excels as both an action blockbuster and emotional drama while still successfully bringing the political and social undertones of the book into the forefront and adding to the movie's depth.

The movie is also helped by a doubling of budget. Whereas in the previous film the special effects were apparently done in-house and at times looked pretty hokey, here the movie employs the excellent digital wizardry of Weta Digital, the company responsible for the special effects on the Lord of The Rings movie trilogy. Plus, whereas, the palette of the clothing worn by the people in the Capitol in The Hunger Games made them all look like they all went and shopped from the same department stores, in Catching Fire, new costumer designer Trish Summerville (The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo) has created a myriad of unique and eye-catching looks worn by the cast and extras alike. All these and more help to ramp up the visuals and make for an seamless viewing experience that is a veritable feast for the eyes.

If there was one thing Ross did right, it was his casting of Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen. Here in Catching Fire as in The Hunger Games, She remains the heart and soul of the movie. As her emotions writ large, raw and wrenching across her face, you can't help by feel for her and fear for her as she continues to try to overcome the ever increasing odds that are never in her favor.

Lawrence is supported by an ever growing and immensely talented cast. Elizabeth Bank as Effie Trinket is finally allowed to act as a real, albeit still ditzy person here, as opposed to her one-dimensional caricature in The Hunger Games. The rest of the original cast are all great in their own ways, but it is the new cast who are a revelation. Fans who have been wringing their hands at the casting of Sam Clafin (Snow White and the Huntsman, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides) as Finnick Odair can finally relax; Clafin is cheekily charismatic as Finnick, and plays his part of cocky playboy with mighty aplomb. Jena Malone (Pride & Prejudice, Sucker Punch) also does a great job as the loose canon Johanna Mason, while Philip Seymour Hoffman brings a certain gravitas as the new Head Gamemaker Plutarch Heavensbee.

A lot of times, what happens with young adult book-to-movie adaptations is that the actors do not seem to really bother to take their roles seriously and are just merely happy to coast through them. Not so in Catching Fire. Everyone brings their A game here, and this is one of the main reasons why the movie truly does shine. Despite having read the books and knowing all the fates of the characters, I got emotionally close to tears at some moving scenes, covered my mouth involuntarily at what some of the horrors our beloved characters had to go through, and at one point, my hands grabbed ineffectually towards the screen of their own accord to try and prevent some of the characters from getting themselves into yet even more danger and heartache. For someone who has read the books and know what the characters are in for, I consider that no mean feat.

A lot of critics have been whingeing at the 146-minute running time as overlong, but trust me, there are no dead spots in the movie and it never drags. As the final scene unfolds and the credits roll out, you would be caught by surprise to find that it has ended much too soon, and will be counting the days till the next installments come out. Following the recent penchant by movie studios today to break the last book into two parts so as to milk the franchise for all it's worth, that'll be Mockingjay Part 1 (2014) and Mockingjay Part 2 (2015) In director Lawrence's very capable hands, and with the superb cast led by the amazingly talented Jennifer Lawrence, I have to say for once I will be happy to let them milk me twice for my movie money.

4 1/2 stars out of 5 stars for me. Everyone who loves movies owes it to themselves to go see it.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Thor: The Dark World Short Review

Thor: The Dark World was good but not great. Although far from the best in the Marvel Universe series. it is entertaining enough. Mostly cured of hubris from the first movie, in this sequel Chris Hemsworth's Thor becomes a somewhat dependable, though ultimately boring superhero, while it is his villain brother Tom Hiddleston's Loki and Stellan Skarsgard's Dr. Selvig who steal all the scenes they are in and the film is all the poorer when they are not on-screen. Three out of five stars for me.

Thoughts on the Fifth Estate

The Fifth Estate was totally disappointing; it seems that Bill Condon has forgotten how to direct a good film after helming the last two Twilight movies.

Last Vegas Short Review

Anyone hoping for a Hangover-ish plot would be disappointed. Nevertheless the plot was shallow and at times the script and direction the movie was going in was terribly predictable and more than a little contrived and forced. Still. the effortless and sometimes cheeky camaraderie amongst movie thespians Michael Douglas, Robert De Niro, Morgan Freeman and Kevin Kline brings some easy and happy laughs to the audience. Ultimately enjoyable but utterly forgettable as well.

12 Years A Slave Short Review

12 Years A Slave was a great movie, and having read the book did prepare me for some of the horrors depicted in the film. Nevertheless it was still harrowing and depressing to watch. If it was depressing just to be watching it for 2 and a half hours within the comforts of a movie theater, imagine how infinitely worse it was for the million of slaves whose spent their entire lives living in such abject fear and terror at the unspeakably inhuman horror being inflicted on them of every single hour of every single day because the fear never ever goes away, not even for a second. Truly, the institution and system of slavery can poison the entire soul and integrity of a whole nation even if it wasn't practiced by all, because even to condone it is an unspeakable evil in of itself.

Friday, August 30, 2013

Elysium: Over-simplistic plot bombarded with too much wham-bam action and not enough thought

"I don't know if I should go watch Mortal Instruments: City of Bones," I complained to my sometime movie companion on Facebook. "It's only rated 13% on Rotten Tomatoes. But I've read the books and I want to watch it on the big screen," I moaned plaintively. "Go see Elysium," my friend suggested. "It's pretty cool." "Maybe I should watch that instead," I vacillated, and my friend immediately urged: "Yes! Go. Go." So on Saturday afternoon I stood in front of the box office, trying to decide which movie to watch. I finally chose Elysium because I figured the Mortal Instrument screening would be packed seeing as it was opening weekend for the latter whereas I should be able to get great seats for Elysium running in its 3rd or 4th week.

Boy was I to regret it. Elysium is not a bad movie per say, but coming from the director of the sleeper hit District 9 director Neill Blomkamp, I expected something better, and I was disappointed with the results.

The story goes; in the not-too-distant future, Earth has become ravaged and overpopulated. The wealthy elite have migrated to a luxurious space station called Elysium where they own houses with huge lawns and are served by robotic servants, while the rest of the human population are stuck trying to eke a meager living on Earth policed by ruthless robots. Our main character Max De Costa starts out as an orphaned boy who dreams of making it to Elysium one day. As an adult played by Matt Damon, he is an ex-thief and current parolee who works at an assembly that manufactures robots. A work accident leaves him with only 5 days to live, and De Costa is determined to make it to Elysium before then so he can cure himself on one of the Med-Bays that are present in every home in Elysium. Throw in a childhood sweetheart who has a young daughter dying of leukemia and you can pretty much figure out how the plot is going to go.

So there I am in the movie theater, mostly bored as I watch the movie unfold with utter predictability, ironically enough with the plot pushed along by the antics of a crazily unpredictably maniacal villain with no real motivation to speak of.

Matt Damon is decent in the main role, although after he has a powerful exoskeleton fitted into him to help him fight off the robots his character then begins to function almost mechanically and one finds it hard to connect with him. Jodi Foster is terrible as a very one-note villain who is even more robotic than her robotic servants, while Sharlto Copley is baffling as a completely unhinged psychopath.

Most of all though, my disappointment is with director Neill Blomkamp. I was expecting a science fiction movie that was thoughtful and thought-provoking in the vein of his 2009 movie District 9. Instead what we get is a very straightforward action film with twin threads of healthcare and immigration political commentary woven into the story, albeit too simplistically and often relegated to the background by too many empty explosions and action-packed fight scenes, especially in the second half of the movie.

Elysium is not a bad movie by a long shot, but it is not a very good movie either, and more's the pity, because it could have been so much more, and it unfortunately isn't.

2 and a half stars out of 5 stars for me.

Mortal Instruments: City of Bones: Derivative fantasy flick which is nevertheless superior to anything the Twilight saga has to offer

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Pacific Rim Review: Awesome Fighting Scenes But Alas, No Plot To Speak Of

Trying to review Pacific Rim is like trying to review two totally disparate movies mashed into one- the incredible fighting scenes between Kaiju and Jaeger (sea monsters and the robots built to do battle with them), and the abysmal interplay of human drama in between these awesome fight scenes.

True, one does not go to a movie like Pacific Rim expecting Shakespeare, but I still expected a somewhat decent and coherent storyline to tie the whole movie together. Alas, that was not to be. The dialogue between the human characters are simply terrible and cringe-inducing. At first I was disappointed with director Guillermo del Toro, who I assumed was the sole screenplay writer, until I realized that he actually shared writing credits with Travis Beacham, who also wrote the screenplay for the devastatingly bad remake Clash of the Titans. So I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised at just how godawful the script was.

The character motivations of the various characters in the movie are just as laughably bad, weak and cliche-ridden. The main character Raleigh Becket (played by Charlie Hunnam of Sons of Anarchy fame) is a Jaegar pilot haunted by memories of his brother being killed while they were piloting a Jaegar together. Mako Mori (played by Rinko Kikuchi of Babel fame), who plays Becket's new co-pilot, is here unfortunately reduced to a disappointingly insipid female lead. I was so excited when I heard that one of the main characters piloting a Jaegar would be a female character. Imagine my disappointment when Mako, upon meeting Becket, is reduced to a mass of quivering fangirl; she takes to spying on Becket through her room's door peephole, blushes furiously, stutters in his presence and make gooey moon eyes at him. Becket, who spent the last five years after his brother's death working in construction amongst other dirty and sweaty men, is probably very flattered by such adoration from such a lovely female specimen, which may explain why he is so quick to reciprocate this crush. And so what we get is basically the instalove formula that is the stuff in so many badly written teenage books like the vampiric Twilight series.

The other pair of Jaegar pilots who share the screentime with Becket and Mori are an Australian father-son pair with superficial parent-child issues haphazardly thrown in to give the characters some so-called "depth", while the Chinese triplets and the Russian husband-and-wife team who pilot the other two remaining Jaegers are unsurprisingly given short shrift here.

You would think that such a movie would not be worth watching at all. Oh, but the fight scenes, the glorious, glorious fight scenes. The wonderfully and gorgeously choreographed fight scenes. Such beauty amongst such an epic scale of carnage and utterly delightful mayhem. Bigger, louder and better than anything a certain director can conjure up in his Transformers series; eat your heart out, Michael Bay. It is almost worth suffering through the completely banal human scenes to watch these huge monsters and robots have a go at each other with entire metropolitan cities as their playground. Stunning, just simply gobsmacking stunning, so very very cool and so fun to watch; The kid in me who used to build robots out of Lego sets is happily delighted.

So, my verdict? One star for the human scenes. Five stars for the fight scenes. That makes the movie, on average, a 3 out of 5 star movie for me. My recommendation: go watch it for the breathtaking fight scenes; just don't expect much of anything in the way of a decent plot.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Despicable Me 2: Underwhelmingly Disappointing, Bland and Predictable Sequel

I wanted to like this film. I really did. I loved Despicable Me and when news came in that Despicable Me 2 was trouncing The Lone Ranger so badly in box office receiptss, I wanted to know what all the fuss was all abou and knew I had to see go it.

The results, were, sad to say, totally underwhelming. The plot was utterly predictable and very bland. Everything felt very cobbled together. The Rotten Tomatoes consensus reads: It may not be as inspired as its predecessor, but Despicable Me 2 offers plenty of eye-popping visual inventiveness and a number of big laughs."

At one point halfway through the movie, I realized that I could have actually taken off my 3D glasses and watch the movie without missing much of anything; the best 3D effects in the movie were too little and too late, seen only when the credits began rolling. I had a few chuckles throughout the movie, but they were few and far between. Definitely no big laughs.

Certainly if you enjoyed Despicable Me, you should check out Despicable Me 2, if only to find out what more about what happens to Gru and his new family and to enjoy the silly antics of his yellow Minions. But I'd say save your money, skip watching the movie in the movie theater and just rent it when it comes out in DVD.

2 and a half stars out of 5 stars for me.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

The Lone Ranger Review: Basically a Pirates of the Caribbean movie set in the Wild West

I have to admit, I wasn't all that impressed with The Lone Ranger when I first saw the trailer. I also wasn't sure if there was going to be sufficient on-screen chemistry between Johnny Depp who plays Tonto, and Armie Hammer, who plays the titular character, to help propel the narrative along.

But then, being a huge fan of the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy, though alas not the tepid 4th Pirates flick On Stranger Tides, I was nevertheless still intrigued by the movie. After all, the major players from the Pirates trilogy are teaming up once again to make what Disney hopes will become another huge moneymaking franchise à la Pirates of the Caribbean. Director Gore Verbinski, check. Actor Johnny Depp, check. Writers Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio, check. Music scorer Hans Zimmer, check. I was really interested to see what was going to come out of their latest collaboration.

Armed with free tickets to see a preview in San Francisco, we couldn't get into Monday's screening but managed to nab great seats for the Wednesday screening. The narrative begins in San Francisco, 1933 (which, when the wording appeared, was punctuated with whoops and cheers from the San Francisco audience) where a young peanut-munching boy dressed up as The Lone Ranger meets an elderly Tonto who is displayed as the noble savage in a carnival exhibit. It is through this narrative device, an old Tonto recounting to the boy how the Lone Ranger came to be, that the story is framed, which unfortunately gets tired pretty quickly when the narrative is constantly being interrupted by the young boy contradicting some detail of Tonto's story.

Despite the rather lengthy screening time of 149 minutes, I was never once bored throughout the movie and had a rollicking good time. The movie was funny, violent and silly. At times my movie companion would hunch forward in her seat and cradle her head in her hands because she just simply couldn't believe how silly some of the stunts were, but the movie is silly in a good way. As in "so silly you can't believe this is happening but you are still enjoying it and going along for the ride silly". Not "please God when will this horrible shtick end" kind of silly.

For both better and for worse, throughout the entire movie I was almost consistently reminded of Pirates of the Caribbean. There is more than a hint of maverick Jack Sparrow in Depp's Tonto, and Armie Hammer's John Reid and Ruth Wilson's Rebecca Reid basically take the place of Orlando Bloom's Will Turner and Kiera Knightley's Elizabeth Swann as the requisite romantic couple. Instead of a scene-stealing monkey or parrot, here we have a scene-stealing white stallion. And when a minor villain who serves as a comic relief character cross dresses with bonnet and parasol, you'll go, "Hang on, don't we have a character just like that in Pirates of the Caribbean?" and you'll be absolutely right. Even the elaborate stunts in The Lone Ranger has the energy and vibe reminiscent of the stunts in Pirates of the Caribbean. And if it seems like I am punctuating every sentence with the phrase "Pirates of the Caribbean", it is because I was constantly reminded of it when I was watching The Lone Ranger. Does that make The Lone Ranger a bad or good movie? Well, that depends on whether you like the Pirates of the Caribbean triogy, and whether you actually care to see its antics reprised in the Texan desert instead of on the high seas.

3 and a half stars out of five stars for me. 4 out of 5 stars for my movie companion.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Superbly crafted and acted zombie flick

I am not a zombie fan, and the many production woes plaguing World War Z didn't exactly further entice me to see the movie. I'll have to admit upfront that my sole interest in seeing the movie was the glorious Brad Pitt. Even so, I was planning to wait for the DVD to come out to watch it, but events were to decide otherwise.

My movie companion and I were in San Francisco last Monday trying to catch an early preview of The Lone Ranger but couldn't get in, so we had to pick a different movie to watch. I wanted to watch World War Z, but my friend was squeamish and so we eventually decided to go see different movies, her off to the kid-friendly Monsters University while I went to see World War Z.

The movie is very much like Steven Soderbergh's 2011 medical thriller disaster film Contagion, though in the case of World War Z, the virus is spread by zombies, and rather than featuring an ensemble cast, Brad Pitt is front and center in this movie and surrounded by a supporting cast of mostly unfamiliar faces.

Pitt plays family man Gerry Lane, a former United Nations investigator. While sitting in heavy traffic with his family in Philadelphia, they are suddenly attacked by zombies. They manage to flee the carnage and hide out in an apartment building before being extracted by helicopter to the relative safety of a UN ship out in the sea. In return for ensuring his family's place on the ship, Lane reluctantly agrees to help investigate the source of the outbreak in the hopes that such findings would lead to a cure.

And so begins a globe-trotting mission for Lane. He first travels to South Korea, then Israel and finally Wales. Along the way Lane is able to observe how the zombies operate and learn more about them. As the audience, we see everything through Lane's eyes, and make the same connections he does.

Pitt, who is also produced the movie, originally wanted to make a more political movie but noted that the underlying social agenda became "too much for a summer blockbuster...We got bogged down in it; it was too much to explain. It gutted the fun of what these films are meant to be."

Nevertheless, there are several beautifully crafted moments interspersed through the film; a Hispanic couple who do not speak English selflessly taking in Pitt and his family into their tiny apartment, with the couple's bilingual son helping to break down the language barrier; a crowd of Palestinians and Israelis , overjoyed at being alive, singing together, only for the noise to attract the zombies and lead to their downfall; Lane being shielded and protected by female Israeli soldiers (such a strong female presence is so rare in summer blockbuster movies as to be virtually non-existent. Where else do you see a summer blockbuster movie hero being comfortable being protected by female soldiers instead of being the one rescuing helpless damsels in distress?)

What makes World War Z by far the best movie I've seen this year is that the filmmakers were able to create a very effectively scary and suspenseful film; throughout the movie I was at the edge for the seat, being really afraid for Lane and the other supporting characters. It is not something I get to feel when I watch summer blockbuster movies these days. Case in point: while watching Star Trek Into Darkness and Iron Man 3, I found it hard to care for any of the characters because at no point in the film did I believe that any of them were in any real danger.

It helps also that Pitt is really very believable as a family man, and that he is surrounded by a very strong supporting cast. Lane is very much the reluctant hero, with every action he takes grounded and motivated by his family's continued safety and survival. Again not your typical blockbuster hero, which is a refreshing change from snarky action heroes with their sarcastic one-liners. (I am looking at you, Iron Man 3)

I came into this movie skeptical that I was going to enjoy it. I left the cinema unable to stop raving to my movie companion, who mildly enjoyed Monsters University even with confusing it as a sequel to Monsters Inc (Monsters University is actually a prequel), about how beautifully crafted the entire movie was and how well acted it was. With the movie expected to turn a decent profit for Paramount, a sequel is in the works. When it comes out, I won't be waiting for DVD to come out; I will be one of those catching it on opening week.

4 and a half stars out of 5 stars for me.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

10 reasons why Superman is the most boring popular superhero ever

1. He's not even human. He's an alien from the planet of Krypton. If his alien status was discovered, he'd probably be deported from American soil.

2. His real name is a mouthful. Kal-El. Strange doesn't even begin to describe this weird moniker.

3. He commits an unforgivable fashion faux pas. The man wears his underwear inside out, for Christ's sake.

4. He wears the worse disguise ever. Is just clapping on a pair of glasses supposed to be an effective disguise?

5. The man is out of his time. If he is living in the modern day, he would be out of a job and be joining the unemployment line. Journalism is a lowly dying industry and I doubt he would be able to get a job as a journalist.

6. His choice of changing room. The man changes into his Superman costume in a phone booth. Good luck trying to find one in today's day and age.

7. He's perfect and basically the Gary Stu of superheroes. I like my superheroes with real flaws and human frailities thank you very much.

8. His only weakness is Kryptonite, which is like the rarest substance on Earth, but for some reason his opponents always seem to have no trouble at all procuring.

9. Hs alter ego Clark Kent is the blandest person to walk the earth.

10. Too many superpowers. The guy can even shoot lasers out of his eyes. It makes him overpowered and always overmatched when he has to face off against his enemies, which makes watching him or reading about him an extremely dull affair.

That being said, despite having scored only a lacklustre rotten rating of 56% on Rotten Tomatoes, regular moviegoers seem to be having really enjoyed it, to the tune of over $200 million worldwide in its opening week. I am rather curious as to whether the filmmakers succeeded in making him a less boring of a character and how they managed to update him to resonate with today's audience. I won't pay to see it, but I'll most probably check out the DVD when it comes out. Plus, I've always liked Henry Cavill ever since I saw him in 2002 The Count of Monte Cristo.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

First look at Benedict Cumberbatch in Twelve Years A Slave

Caption from USA Today for the photo: Solomon Northup (Chiwetel Ejiofor) and his first owner Baptist preacher William Ford (Benedict Cumberbatch) maintained a remarkable friendship. Unfortunately, Solomon's time with Ford was relatively brief during his 12 years of slavery.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Ruminations on The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Teaser Trailer, in Which I Had Eyes for Only Two Characters. Bilbo Baggins who?

Nope. we don't get to hear Benedict Cumberbatch voice Smuag yet, but we do get a first glimpse of him. When I showed the image of Smaug to my British friend, he quipped that he could see certainly see the resemblance between Cumberbatch and Smaug. It must be those cat eyes of Cumberbatch he sees in Smaug's dragon slitty syes.

(Nope, I don't see the resemblance there. On a side note, you can check out this lovely story of Cumberbatch fulfilling the "Make a Wish Foundation-like wish of a girl with cystic fibrosis while he goes about studying lizards at the London Zoo for his role as Smaug:

On another side, okay maybe main note, lots and lots of Legolas in this trailer! Peter Jackson sure knows the way to a woman's wallet; more Legolas! I am sure that there would be many female fans of Legolas (mayhap including even moi) who would gladly pay to watch Orlando Bloom reprise his role as Legolas on the big screen at least once, maybe twice, and maybe even more times than that for some of his very rabid fans.

(International trailer, with a slightly shorter running time)

As for me, I'm just simply delighted to see so much of Legolas in the trailer, which should indicate that he will in the movie for a significant amount of time, maybe say twenty minutes to thirty minutes out of a probably 3 hour running time (we are talking about a Peter Jackson movie after all, the guy does have some serious editing issues...remember that 3-hour plus running time for his King Kong movie? The man gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "bloated movie"). All year long my British friend kept on reminding me of a rumor he heard that Orlando Bloom was being paid $2 million for just a 2-minute cameo and my uncle would smile and slightly shake his head every time I express hope that Legolas will be in the movie for at least 5 to 10 minutes. I guess this trailer most likely will prove both of them wrong. Ha! =D

No more having to make do with substitute hot dwarf archer Kili from the first Hobbit film (see image above), which in my shallow, superficial and unfettered female mind's eye was the loveliest highlight of the first Hobbit movie. (Yes, I never thought I'd come to see the day I would ever call a dwarf hot, but Peter Jackson is aware that he's got to have some Barbie Hollywood hunks amongst 13 dwarves or just simply lose our interest entirely, hence Fili, Kili and a very undwarf-like looking Thorin)

(Legolas comparing bow and arrow pointers with Bard the Bowman, played by Luke Evans)

Instead, we female Lord of the Rings fans will now have the original hot archer, the immortal elf Legolas in all his blond locks and blue-eyed glory to once again shoot cupid arrows of adoration into our fluttering hearts. Altogether now, Squeeeeeee! (sounds of millions of Legolas fangirls simultaneously squealing with unbridled delight upon clapping eyes on said Hobbit trailer)

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Teaser of Benedict Cumberbatch's Short Film Little Favour

Bigger image here:

Photo courtesy of Adam Ackland, Producer of Litte Favour. Photo taken from his Twitter page.

Caption reads: Not a stunt double.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Musings on a second viewing of Star Trek Into Darkness 3D

1. The movie is too damn long. The first 20 minutes of the film could have been done away with without out taking much out of the story and making it less ridiculous, especially since because of what occurs in the first 20 minutes, Kirk is demoted and then reinstated within about 15 minutes of screen time later. Makes the Starfleet organization seem really messed up.

2. Not enough Cumberbatch. We only see glimpses of him in the first half of the movie and even then not enough of him in the second half. I really have no idea why Spock could rightly say that Khan betrayed the Enterprise. Poor guy is the one who has been shafted throughout the movie. First when he is woken and his crew held hostage. He then gets the crap beaten out of him even after he has surrendered. Later on he teams up with Kirk and Scotty only to have Kirk backstab him at the end. Khan just seems to be reacting to how he is treated. Not condoning what he did at Starfleet Headquarters and Section 13 or denying how savage he was aboard the bridge of the Vengeance, but are we supposed to just take it for granted he is the epitome of evil just because his name is Khan and Old Spock says so?

3. Kirk is an ass. He can't stop harping about how he saved Spock's life. What a prick. I wouldn't want him saving my life.

4. The plot holes become even more glaring on the second viewing, if that's actually even possible. Lots of physic holes too.

5. Didn't really appreciate Simon Pegg's Scotty enough the first time around. Appreciate him a lot more in the second viewing. Will be sure to check out more of his other films.

6. What's with all the weak female characters? Uhura basically serves as Spock's love interest. Dr. Carol Marcus's idea of disabling a live torpedo is just to rip the whole thing out. And she strips down to her undies for a flimsy reason. Even though there are a few female officers at Starfleet headquarters, you get the impression that there were only men present there. Guess women still haven't achieved equality even centuries into the future. *Sigh*

7. Just a tad disappointed that the scriptwriters actually recycled quite a huge chunk of Wrath of Khan for this movie. You would think that in the 4 years between Star Trek and Star Trek into Darkness, they would have come up with something more original, especially since they created an alternative universe in the first rebooted Star Trek movie to get away from the canon in the first place.

8. Magical blood, really? One finds it hard to care for the characters if we know that none of them are ever going to be in real danger.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Benedict Cumberbatch as Humphrey Bogart in an Electric Cinema trailer

Slight, Strange, Superficial Coming of Age Story

"It looks interesting, but I don't think it will be as good as The Way, Way Back," my movie buddy pronounced her verdict upon watching the trailer for The Kings of Summer.

At the end of the screening of The Kings of Summer at the lovely Embaradero Center Theater in San Francisco, her assessment remained unchanged: "[The movie] is okay, but I like The Way, Way Back better.

Both The Way, Way Back and The Kings of Summer premiered earlier this year at the 2013 Sundance Film Festival. Both are coming-of-age comedic-drama films airing this summer. And here the similarities end.

The Way, Way Back tells the story of 14-year-old Duncan who is forced to spend summer vacation with his mother, her overbearing boyfriend and his daughter at his summer house. The awkward and introvert Duncan, who has trouble fitting in with this strange family unit, instead finds himself bonding with a group of oddballs running the nearby water amusement park and begins to find his place in the world while working there. Sort of like the 2009 Adventureland starring Jesse Einsenberg and Kristen. So, despite its indie roots, a very much conventional coming-of-age film.

The Kings of Summer, on the other hand, tells the less straightforward story of a couple of small-town suburban teenage boys. One summer, the two of them inexplicably decide to run away away from home and build a house in the middle of a nearby forest, where they can live like men and not be bound by the rules of their overbearing parents. At one point, Patrick, one of the two teenagers, compared the incoherent ramblings of his mother to that of Street Fighter II character Blanka, and I nearly died laughing.

Watching this movie as an adult brought moments of real nostalgia for the innocence of my adolescent childhood; as I watched these teenagers gambol around the forest with their swords hacking and slashing through the greenery, I was brought me back back to my video gaming days where I played the role of the swashbuckling katana-wielding heroes in various Japanese role-playing games like the popular Final Fantasy series.

These two teenagers, Joe and Patrick, are joined by an Italian weird kid Biaggo who decides to join for reasons unknown, although I suspect within the parameters of filmmaking his role is just simply to provide the main comic relief. His lack of a coherent and compelling backstory gives weight to this supposition.

At first, these teenagers enjoy their idyllic existence, having fun under the sun, free from all and sundry. They swim, swing their swords, and hold impromptu races on the grass fields. A hilarious failed attempt to hunt for their own food reveals that it is mostly rats and snakes which inhabit this urban forest, and so the boys improvise by foraging for their food at the nearby Boston Market. Sadly, such a carefree lifestyle cannot last forever, and when a girl comes into the picture, this predictably strains the friendship between the two best friends.

Here the movie's tone abruptly veers off into different territory. Left with no money for further visits to Boston Market, a hungry Joe kills, skins cooks and attempts to eat a rabbit. Shades of Lord of the Flies shadow this interlude, although there is a supericiality to it. Joe's desperation rings false; deep down he and in turn us, the audience, knows that he has a nice, secure safety blanket back in his father's house. His desperation is not one born of real need, a need that is seen in the movie Winter's Bone, where the protagonist Ree shows her younger siblings how to hunt and skin a squirrel because they have little, or Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games hunting squirrels that she can exchange for bread so that her family will not starve (both characters incidentally played by Jennifer Lawrence) Also around this time, Joe begins to spot the look of a man with his carefully shaved facial, which for some reason reminds me of Casey Afleck's character Robert Ford in the movie The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. In that movie, Ford hero worships James and wants to emulate him, but it is not long before his adoration turns into disillusionment. Similarly, Joe here is in a rush to be his own man and it is not long before he becomes disillusioned with the harsh reality of trying to live without his family's support, because he is still clearly not ready for it.

Movie comparisons aside, to me The Kings of Summer is a quirky coming-of-age movie infused with many of the hallmarks of an indie comedy. It punctuated with funny unrelated skits that should derail the narrative yet oddly works and helps to gel the movie into an enjoyable and relaxed viewing on a slow summer's day.

Is The Kings of Summer better than The Way, Way Back? For me it was, because it was a less conventional coming-of-age movies than the ones I am used to watching and I laughed way more and much harder in this movie than I did while watching the latter.

My verdict, three and a half out of five stars for me.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Cumberbatchweb Birthday Fundraiser for Myeloma UK

Reblogged from Cumberbatchweb

It’s Benedict Cumberbatch’s birthday on 19 July 2013 and in honour of his birthday this year we will be raising funds for Myeloma UK.

Our fundraiser for The Teenage Cancer Trust last year was an extraordinary success raising over £10,000.

Myeloma UK is Benedict’s chosen charity for this year’s fundraiser. Myeloma is a rare type of cancer which arises from plasma cells which are found in bone marrow. Myeloma UK does sterling work raising awareness of the disease and raising funds for ongoing research as well as providing much needed support for those diagnosed with the disease and their friends and families.

You can donate to this year’s fundraiser via our JustGiving page here.

Any money donated via JustGiving goes directly to the charity. No funds go via me – it’s completely transparent. Anyone in the world can use it to donate and you can donate via credit card or paypal. When you go to donate JustGiving suggests some amounts but you can enter any amount you wish in the final box. Every donation is greatly appreciated.

And don’t forget to leave your birthday message for Benedict when you donate!

So if you’re a fan of Benedict Cumberbatch please do dig deep – every single penny counts and it’s a wonderful cause.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

All flash and no substance, but who cares? Entertaining and feel-good movie!

The closer you look, the less you see. A particular catchphrase uttered and repeated by different characters throughout the movie Now You See Me. An apt description for this movie would be: The closer you look, the less there is. I am not saying it is a bad thing. I'm just calling it as I see it.

The story goes: Four street magicians are approached by a mysterious hooded figure. A year later, they have banded together and calling themselves The Four Horseman, headline an act in Las Vegas wherein they proceeded to shower the audience with millions of Euros stolen purportedly in real time from a bank in France. This sets the FBI and Interpol on their tails as the group attempts to pull similar stunts in New Orleans and New York.

Jesse Eisenberg plays Daniel Atlas, the leader of the Four Horsemen. Here Einsenberg basically reprises his role as Mark Zuckerberg from The Social Network, if Zuckerberg were ever inclined to become a magician. Woody Harrison here plays a scene-stealing mentalist Merritt Osbourne. The lovely Isla Fisher plays sex-vixen escape artist Henley Reeves. Dave Franco (younger brother of James Franco) plays Jack Wilder, whose role is basically a version of Matt Damon's character Linus Caldwell from the Ocean series; a young musician who is overeager for his turn to lead; he even gets his own action hero moment in the third act of the movie with some great fight scenes and even a car chase that, who knows, might just land him a (Matt Damon) Jason Bourne-like role in the near future.

Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman reunite here from their Dark Knight Trilogy Days, the former playing swarmy millionaire Arthur Tressler who sponsors the Four Horsemen and the latter as former magician turned magic debunker Thaddeus Bradley who reveals the secrets behind a magician's tricks. These two are superb as always, even in a scene where they confront each other with a silly interplay involving a voodoo doll.

Mark Ruffalo as FBI agent Dylan Rhode and Melanie Laurent as Interpol agent round up the rest of the principle cast as the lead investigators in charge of the case to apprehend the Four Horsemen and bring them to justice. Ruffalo does curmudgeon and baffled really well while the talented Laurent (from Inglorious Basterds) here is unfortunately made to spout several silly lines throughout the film such as asking Ruffalo to "take a leap of faith", all the while spotting a perfectly straight face. The contrived romance between these two characters unfortunately remains one of the weak points of the movie as it never feels truly believable and merely tacked to fulfill the "romance" part of the film.

The plot has superficial overtones of the Occupy Wall Street movement; in one act, the magicians empty the bank account of a crooked multimillionaire and then proceed to distribute the wealth amongst the magicians' audience, who receive their unexpected largess with utter delight. The real movie audience similarly takes great delight in rooting for these Robin Hood-like- characters as they successfully outwit the law every step of the way.

For me, the best parts of the movie were seeing the outlandish magician acts being performed and then later on finding out how they were accomplished via Bradley's reveal. I also vastly enjoyed the brilliant performances turned in by all four of the Horsemen cast, even if their back stories are never sufficiently or fully revealed to the audience's satisfaction.

Although expository clues interspersed throughout the movie heavily hints that the motives behind the heists, masterminded by the mysterious hooded figure and carried out by the Four Horsemen, are less than magnanimous, the final reveal and plot twist at the end of the movie does leave you reeling a bit and going "Huh" since you would never have actually saw that coming. Still, the revelation, no matter how preposterous, does tie up the whole movie into one somewhat neat pretty package. So what if the neat pretty package is nice to look at but has nothing more than fluffy animal balloons stuffed in it? My friend and I came out of the movie thoroughly entertained by this feel-good movie. I mean, how often do you, as one of the 99%, get to see a movie where the 1-percenters receive their comeuppance, especially by a conservative Hollywood industry that even very obviously denigrates the Occupy Movement in the 2012 The Dark Knight Rises?

I have to say that even coming with what little substance that the movie has, I enjoyed this film far more than I did summer blockbuster tentpoles Iron Man 3 and Star Trek Into Darkness, with even consummate actors like Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man and Benedict Cumberbatch as the villain in Star Trek Into Darkness unable to lift these movies from their ridiculous plot-hole-ridden storylines. It is not to say that Now You See Me does not have plot holes of its own; it does, but unlike Iron Man 3 and Star Trek Into Darkness, this movie moves so breezily along that you don't really notice them, which is more than I can say for the glaring plot holes practically shouting at me while I was watching the former two films.

So go see Now You See Me if you want to have a rollicking good time at the movies this summer.

3 and a half stars out of 5 stars for me.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Hardly Epic, But Well Worth Watching Nonetheless

OK, I'll admit I came into the movie with more than my fair share of trepidation. 61%, says the Tomatometer at Rotten Tomatoes, with the main complaint being that "its narrative themes are all too familiar." Watching Star Trek Into Darkness and Iron Man 3 had, courtesy of their horrible plots, left a sour taste in my mouth. I wasn't too keen on watching a movie with yet another vapid storyline. But then I watched a couple of the Epic trailers and couldn't help thinking: "Oh but it looks so pretty!", sounding for all the world like a crow being drawn inexorably to sparkly things or a moth being drawn to a flame. Alright then, I have been forewarned. The narrative is going to be unoriginal, I am just going to watch the movie just for its visual eye candy, or retinal crack, as I like to call it.

I was not disappointed. In fact, I was more than pleasantly surprised. The visuals are simply stunning to look at. And the storyline, while unoriginal, was better than expected. It seems as though the movie's five scriptwriters simply decided to blend together elements from movies like Ferngully, Avatar, The Borrowers, Alice in Wonderland and The Secret World of Arrietty and hoped for the best. The result is, astonishingly, a not-bad confection. The plot chugs merrily along for most of the movie and although it does begin to get a bit drawn out by the third act, it is easy to forgive the slight falter because you are just simply mesmerized by the gorgeous world-building.

One thing though that quite irked me was a phrase that at one point, seemed to be bandied around by everyone, even the villain. "Many leaves, one tree" utters another character yet again and I couldn't help rolling my eyes at such a contrived philosophical blather. I guess an animated movie geared towards children needs to have some sort of positive message for its young audience, even if it's a clumsy catchphrase espousing the ethos and importance of teamwork.

The voicework is quite decent though not outstanding. Beyonce voices Tara the queen, and here she sounds playful and like she is about to burst into song at any moment, which thankfully she doesn't. Colin Farrell as Leafman leader Ronin, Amanda Seyfried as M.K. our human female heroine and Josh Hutcherson as her love interest Nod round out the rest of the main cast, with the wonderful Christoph Waltz voicing the role of the evil leader of the Boggins, the Leafman's perennial nemesis. Humor here is provided by a slug and a snail (voiced by Aziz Ansari and Chris O'Dowd respectively) and it is gratifying to see that they are not just token black voices (Ansari is Indian and O'Dowd is white). Sassy one-liners abound throughout the film, but these are uttered with more sincerity and less snark, which make them sound far less grating than the annoying zingers abounding summer blockbusters Star Trek Into Darkness and Iron Man 3.

Overall I found the movie visually and even plot-superior to Skydance studio's previous outing, Rio, which scored a slightly higher rating on Rotten Tomatoes with a score of 72%. Rio 2 will be out in 2014, which I will probably watch but have no particular anticipation for. I hope Epic will do well enough in box office receipts to warrant a sequel; I would do so love to clap eyes on its lovely and colorful visual palette again once more.

3 1/2 out of 5 stars for me.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Review of Iron Man 3: The Suit's On, But Nobody's Home

Having read two Star Trek Into Darkness reviews that dissed the movie in favor of Iron Man 3, I was really excited to go see the latter. I had enjoyed watching Star Trek Into Darkness, even with its gossamer-thin plot, and so was looking forward to having a good time at the cinema with Iron Man 3 since I trusted the words of the two reviewers who insisted that Iron Man 3 was far superior to Star Trek Into Darkness. Boy was I in for a bitter disappointment. If anything, the plot of Iron Man 3 was even more haphazard and had plot holes even bigger than Star Trek Into Darkness, which is saying a lot.

At least the villains in Star Trek Into Darkness had credible motives for committing heinous acts. In Iron Man 3, the villains cartoonishly don't. They commit acts of terror simply because it is currently fashionable for summer blockbuster villains to do so. And that left a really sour taste in my mouth. Look, I am not asking for deep political insights from a popcorn movie, but if the scriptwriters want to insert an element of terrorism in the story, they should have seen it through and not just tag it on because it is at the moment the "in" thing to do.

The rest of Iron Man 3, like its titular character, is similarly in shambles. Iron Man 3 takes place after the events in The Avengers, in which Tony Stark almost died trying to save the city of New York. Stark now suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. He is unable to sleep and spends most nights tinkering on new versions of his Iron Man suit. Just hearing the words "New York" sends him into panicked anxiety attacks. While I do like to see my superheroes show some human vulnerability, the fact is that in the case of Robert Downey Jr's Iron Man, his sheer cockiness is what I fell in love with, not this nervous train wreck. (I'm not trying to discount the fact that PTSD can happen to anyone or the seriousness of PTSD, but I really didn't pay for a movie ticket just to see my favorite superhero reduced to a quivering heap each time he hears the name of a city)

Speaking of wrecks, the new Iron Man suits are also a mess. I do not expect total continuity in between movies, but I guess between The Avengers and Iron Man 3, it seems that Stark has decided to outsource the manufacturing of his suits to a shoddy workshop in China, because they seem to have a tendency to totally disintegrate at the slightest impact. Not that it seems to matter much, because Stark hardly spends anytime donning a suit anyway. Instead he is mostly controlling them remotely or running around for most of the movie simply winging it without them. What is the point of having a movie called Iron Man if our hero is hardly going to be donning an Iron Man suit in the first place? Several times throughout the movie I was sorely tempted to mutter that the studio should simply have changed the title of the movie to Tony Stark.

Robert Downey Jr. does the best with what he is given, but at times the inept storyline succeeds in swallowing him whole. Ben Kingsley does a hammy performance as the Mandarin, and Guy Pearce excels as a sinister though very one-dimensional Aldrich Killian. Don Cheadle returns as decent sidekick Colonel Rhodes, while Jon Favreau, director of the first two Iron Man movies, reprises his role as Happy, whose function this time is not so much comic fodder but simply to prod the plot along. The lovely Rebecca Hall joins the cast as Dr. Maya Hansen, a former lover of Stark (if you can, check out her BAFTA-nominated turn as the mercurial Sylvia Tjetjens opposite Benedict Cumberbatch in BBC2's 2012 TV series Parade's End) but it is Gwyneth Paltrow who really shines this time as a Pepper Potts who by movie's end, finally gets to shed her damsel in distress role to kick some real ass.

Not all the movie is bad though. Some of the action scenes are really well thought-out; the scene where Iron Man attempts to saves 14 passengers in mid-air despite his suit's capability to carry only 4 people is particulary inspired. Also, the third act at one point almost lifts the movie out from the doldrums before unfortunately loses steam midway and sinks back into its hackneyed plot. Similarly, the witty one-liners, which work well for the most part, gets a bit too much near the end; in scenes which are supposed to be emotional, these one-liners are jarringly and gratingly out of place, turning what are supposed to be dramatic moments into moments of utter banality.

My verdict? If you are able to catch just one summer blockbuster that is out in cinemas right now, I'd suggest you go with Star Trek Into Darkness instead. If you are still planning to go see Iron Man 3 though, be sure to stay for the after-credits scene. 2 out of 5 stars for me.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Khanberbatch Transcribed

Transcript of Benedict Cumberbatch's John Harrison/Khan speaking scenes

Scene 1: London

John Harrison: I can save her.

Thomas Harewood: What did you say?

John Harrison: Your daughter. I can save her.

Thomas Harewood: Who are you?

Scene 2: Kronos

Spock: Stand down.

John Harrison: How many torpedoes?

Spock: Stand down!

John Harrison: The torpedoes. The weapons you threatened me with in your message. How many are there?

Spock: 72

John Harrison: I surrender.

James Kirk: On behalf of Christopher Pike, my friend, I accept your surrender. (proceeds to beat John Harrison up)

Uhuru: Captain!

John Harrison. Captain.

James Kirk: Cuff him.

Scene 3 (Prison cell on the Enterprise)

Bones: Put your arm through the hole. I'm going to take a blood sample.

John Harrison: Why aren't we moving, Captain? An unexpected malfunction, perhaps on your warp core? Leaving you stranding on the edge of Klingon space?

Bones: How the hell do you know that?

James Kirk: Bones.

John Harrison: I think you'd would find my insight valuable, Captain. Ignore me, and you will get everyone on this ship killed.

James Kirk: Let me explain what's happening here. You are a criminal. I watched you murder innocent men and women. I was authorized to end you. And the only reason why you are still alive is because I'm allowing it. So shut your mouth.

John Harrison: Oh, Captain, are you going to punch me again over and over until your arm weakens. Clearly you want to. So tell me. Why did you allow me to live?

James Kirk: We all make mistakes.

John Harrison: (makes negating noise) I surrendered to you because despite your attempt to convince me otherwise you seem to have a conscience, Mr Kirk. If you did not, it would be impossible for me to convince you of the truth. 23174611. Coordinates not far from Earth. If you want to know why I did what I did, go and take a look.

James Kirk: Give me one reason why I should listen to you.

John Harrison: I can give you 72. And they're on board your ship, Captain. They have been all along. I suggest you open one up.

Scene 4 (Prison cell on Enterprise)

James Kirk: Why is there a man in that torpedo?

John Harrison: There are men and women in all those torpedoes, Captain. I put them there.

James Kirk: Who the hell are you?

John Harrison: A remnant of a time long past. Genetically engineered to be superior so as to lead others to peace in a world at war. We were condemned as criminals. Forced into exile. For centuries we slept, hoping when we awoke, things would be different. But as a result of the destruction of Vulcan, your Starfleet began to aggressively search distant quadrants of space. My ship was found adrift. I alone was revived.

Kirk: I looked up John Harrison. Until a year ago, he didn't exist.

John Harrison: John Harrison was a fiction created the moment I was awoken by your Admiral Marcus to help him advance his cause. A smokescreen to conceal my true identity. My name is Khan.

James Kirk: Why would a Starfleet Admiral ask a 300-year-old frozen man for help?

Khan: Because I am better.

James Kirk: At what?

Khan: Everything. Alexander Marcus needed to respond to an uncivilized threat in a civilized time, and for that, he needed a warrior's mind. My mind. To design weapons and warships.

Spock: You are suggesting that the Admiral violated every regulation he vowed to uphold simply because he wanted to exploit your intellect?

Khan: He wanted to exploit my savagery. Intellect alone is useless in a fight, Mr Spock. You, you can't even break a rule, how would you be expected to break bone? Marcus used me to design weapons. To help him realize his vision of a militarized Starfleet. He sent you to use those weapons. To fire my torpedoes on an unsuspecting planet. And then he purposefully crippled your ship in enemy space, leading to one inevitable outcome. The Klingons would come searching for whoever was responsible and you would have no chance to escape. Marcus would finally have the war he talked about, the war he always wanted.

James Kirk: No, no. I watched you open fire in a room full of unarmed Starfleet officers. You killed them in cold blood.

Khan: Marcus took my crew from me.

James Kirk: You are a murderer.

Khan: He used my friends to control me. I tried to smuggle them to safety by concealing them in the very weapons I had designed. But I was discovered. I had no choice but to escape alone. But when I did, I had every reason to suspect that Marcus had killed every single one of the people I hold most dear. So I responded in kind. My crew is my family, Kirk. Is there anything you would not do for your family?

Hikaru Sulu. Proximity alert, sir. There's a ship at warp heading right for us.

James Kirk: Klingons?

Khan: At warp? No Kirk, we both know who it is.

Scene 5: Medical Bay

James Kirk: Tell me everything you know about that ship.

Khan: Dreadnought class. Two times the size, three times the speed. Advanced weaponry. Modified for a minimal crew. Unlike most Federation vessels it's built solely for combat.

James Kirk: I will do everything I can to make you answer for what you did. But right now I need your help.

Khan: In exchange for what?

James Kirk: You said you'd do anything for your crew. I can guarantee their safety.

Khan: Captain, you can't even guarantee the safety of your own crew.

Scene 6: Enterprise Hallway

James Kirk: (to Scotty) We're coming over there. As soon as we've moved the Enterprise into position as we speak.

Scotty: To this ship? How?

Khan: There's a cargo door; hangar seven, access point 101A. You need to find the manual override to open that airlock.

Scene 7: Launch pad

Khan: Did you find the manual overrirde?

James Kirk: (speaks over Khan) The manual override, Scotty?

Scotty: It's not easy. Give me two seconds, ya mad bastard! Okay, okay. I'm set to open the door.

James Kirk: You ready?

Khan: Are you?

Scene 8: Space

Spock: Khan, use evasion action. There is debris directly ahead.

Khan: I see it.

Scene 9: Still in Space

Khan: My display is still functioning. I see you Kirk. You're two hundred meters ahead of me at my one o'clock. Come to your left at two degrees and follow me.

Scene 10: Aboard the Vengeance

Khan: They'll know we're here. I know the best way to the bridge.

James Kirk: They're locked to stun.

Khan: Theirs won't be.

James Kirk: Try not to get shot.

Scotty: They're gonna have full power and we're walking.

Khan: The turbolifts are easily trapped and Marcus would have us in a cage. This path we're taking runs adjacent to the engine room. They know they won't be able to use their weapons here without destabilizing the warp core, which gives us the advantage.

Scotty: Where'd you find this guy?

James Kirk: It's a long story.

Scotty: I don't mean to tempt fate here, but where is everybody?

Khan: The ship was designed to be run by a minimal crew. One if necessary.

Scotty: One?...(fight breaks out)...Where's Khan?...Where is he?

James Kirk: Shit.

Khan: This way.

Scene 11: Aboard the bridge of the Vengeance

Khan: You should have let me sleep. (Crushes the skull of Admiral Marcus)

Scene 12: Still aboard the bridge of the Vengeance

Khan: I'm going to make this very simple for you. Your crew for my crew.

Spock: You've betrayed us.

Khan: (mockingly) Oh, you're smart, Mr Spock.

James Kirk: Spock. Don't--

Khan: Mr Spock, give me my crew.

Spock: What will you do when you get them?

Khan: Continue the work we were doing before we were banished.

Spock: Which as I understand it involves the mass genocide of anyone you find to be less than superior.

Khan: Shall I destroy you, Mr Spock? Or will you give me what I want?

Spock: We have no transporter capabilities.

Khan: Fortunately mine are perfectly functional. Drop your shields.

Spock: If I do so, I have no guarantee you will not destroy the Enterprise.

Khan: Well let's play this out logically then Mr Spock. Firstly, I will kill your captain to demonstrate my resolve. Then if yours hold, I will have no choice but to kill you and your entire crew.

Spock: If you destroy our ship, you will also destroy your own people.

Khan: Your crew requires oxygen to survive. Mine does not. I will target your life-support systems located behind the aft nacelle. And after every single person on board your ship suffocates, I will walk over your cold corpses to recover my crew. Now, shall we begin?

Spock: Lower shields.

Khan: A wise choice, Mr Spock. I see all 72 torpedoes are still in their tubes. If they are not mine, Commander, I will know it.

Spock: Vulcans do not lie. The torpedoes are yours.

Khan: Thank you, Mr Spock.

Spock: I have fulfilled your terms. Now fulfill mine.

Khan: Well, Kirk. It seems apt to return you to your crew. After all, no ship should go down without her captain.

Scene 13: On board the heavily damaged Vengeance

Khan: No. No!

Scene 14: On board the falling Vengeance

Khan: Set destination. Starfleet headquarters.

Vengeance: Engines compromised. Cannot guarantee key destination. Confirm order.

Khan: Confirmed.

End of Khan's speaking scenes in the movie.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Benedict Cumberbatch: Behind the Scenes of Star Trek Into Darkness


How I Trekked To The Ends of the Earth To "Cumberbatch" A Friend

This morning I received a link to a blog post written by my friend all the way in Australia about how she got cumberbatched with a little nudging from me, living on the other end of the earth in the San Francisco Bay Area. It is an utterly demented and bloody brilliant post. I'd just thought I'd share it. For reasons unknown, she refers to me as CC in her blog post. Here it is:

The Descent Into Darkness

Day -41

The date was 10 April. It was an ordinary day, I was six weeks away from my thesis deadline and working on it as usual. So far I had watched two episodes of Sherlock Holmes (CC's note: It's just called Sherlock actually), and I didn't like the way they portrayed the character too much, and the second episode was quite bland, which put me off watching the last of the first season. Benedict Cumberbatch did catch my attention, but lost it again in all the chaos of experiments and data involved in my thesis. I never thought about the show again after watching it in March or so.

I had so little warning at all of what was to come.

Sometime early in the day I received a facebook post from a friend (hereafter named CC) halfway around the world, in San Francisco: "Gal, you gotta watch BBC's Sherlock so I can have someone to moon over Benedict Cumberbatch with. :P"

I did not suspect anything at all, such an innocuous-looking thing. I managed to reply at the end of the day, telling her I did like Cumberbatch, but not the series, and how I couldn't wait for Star Trek Into Darkness to come out.

"You should try and download his portrayal of the Creature and Victor Frankenstein in his 2011 play Frankenstein...Pathetically enough I have been spending the last few weeks watching his stuff...he's great in Amazing Grace and I think you would like that movie too even without him in it. How could you resist not watching the whole of season 1 and 2 of Sherlock? And what is it that you don't like about the portrayal? The "highly functioning sociopath" slightly Asperger's portrayal?" (Emphasis mine)

Therein lay the first warning signs. This lady was perhaps a little too... thorough... in going over an actor's previous work. But I was completely oblivious to it all. I was in scatterbrained-scientist mode, after all, trying to finish a thesis so that I can get a degree. I should have been more aware, hindsight tells me now.

Just that one, simple message. Little did I know of what would eventually come out of it.

Day -34

I only managed to reply her a week later. Told her what I didn't like about the series. Meanwhile she had posted several links on my facebook page of Benedict Cumberbatch impersonating Alan Rickman. It occurred to me then that he would make a good Snape... A young Snape... A young, handsome Snape that fit so well the image I already had in my mind, from the books and countless fanfiction. And so the seeds of madness were sown. (CC's note: Incidentally, Benedict Cumberbatch does voice Snape in an episode of The Simpsons)

Some background, I loved Professor Severus Snape as a teenager. He was so moody and intelligent and unpleasant, yet so honourable underneath. I like unpleasant people. I think that could be a bane in my romantic life in the future. Hm...

"Yeah I's messed up...never been so obsessed with any actor obsession with Orlando Bloom or Brad Pitt never even came close (CC's note: Orlando Bloom, while handsome, can't really act very well, while Brad is both Hollywood star good-looking and can actually act. As for Cumberbatch, I introduce him to people who are unfamiliar with his work as the male version of Meryl Streep for his brilliant chameleonic acting) ...Come on and watch the whole two seasons so we can moon over him together...I can guarantee you'll love him more after watching the rest...I didn't like the [second episode] all that much...and the amazing thing is that I am not really obsessed with his looks...but with his superb acting...he's such a sublime actor...and he comes across as really charming with a really dry sense of British humor in the Sherlock commentary and in Q and A's for his other stuff. Very intelligent too...Hahaha you should try to find a video of him playing the Creature in Danny Boyle's Frankenstein's awesome...argh the only person I know who has watched it is a British guy and I can't moon over Cumberbatch with a guy...:/ I need you...I was there with you when you mooned over Zaplod Beeblebox and the king in your Sim can you be with me as I moon over him? Pretty pretty please? It's pathetic, and I am kinda embarrassed to be admitting it to you, but this last week I was supposed to studying for my mid term...I did try but I ended up spending most of my time mooning over him and watch his stuff/reading his interviews online. Needless to say, I had no idea how to do my Mid-term and am definitely sure to fail. :/ " (Emphasis mine again) (CC's note: If anyone actually care to know, I actually ended up earning an A grade in Financial Accounting, an A grade in Macroeconomics and a B grade in Microeconomics, so I really wouldn't say that a case of Benaddiction is actually debilitating to one's academic studies)

It was out now, CC had so obviously and completely descended into madness and she was trying to drag me down with her. She wrote it out so succinctly and clearly, "Look at me! I am mad! I cannot stop thinking of Tall British Guy in Magnificent Trench Coat! Stay away from me if you intend to finish your degree!" (CC's note: I did not write that to her. I think what she was trying to say was that it was as though I was writing that to her.)

And what did I do? I let everything pass me by. I completely did not notice it. Now, I don't like to think of myself as stupid or obtuse, but after reading the above message again I have no choice but to accept the fact that I must be after all. All I knew how to do was continue blundering around trying to write a thesis in geochemistry, and bemusedly telling her to chill out! stop the obsession! Stop watching him! Just find another actor to obsess about!... Oh what a fool I was.

Day -32

A couple of days pass. She suddenly remembers that it was me who had introduced the Sherlock series to her, and decides to blame me. She had actually asked me, last year, for suggestions on science fiction shows to watch, and had already been thinking about the series before she asked me. So no, I shan't take the blame for that one. We converse, with her gushing on about Cumberbatch, and me going on about stress and writing. We were probably having two different conversations, and I was too sleep-deprived to notice. I was misinformed on the release of Star Trek in Australia; she told me it would be September here, four months away. I was livid at having to wait four months after the rest of the world to watch Star Trek (it's Star Trek! They should make it a basic human right!), but meh... It wasn't the looming disaster compared to my unwritten thesis. And all I wanted to see was Spock in the film, and maybe Chris Pine. I had seen a little of Benedict Cumberbatch in the trailers, but I felt he was overacting in some places, and I wasn't that much of a fan. I wanted Spock. There was a scene in the first movie after he realised that he was indeed emotionally affected by the destruction of his planet, and he walks with his head down yet shoulders thrown back, and he looked so emotionless, yet vulnerable. I fell in love with Spock during that short walk.

The friend, meanwhile, was watching the 2009 film to "prep" for the current one. Okay. I could interpret that as more evidence of madness, or just too much time on her hands. She tries to speculate what would be in the coming movie, and I refused to let her reveal spoilers to me. Interspersed throughout all this was links and comments about Cumberbatch's role, and his work in other areas. At the end of the conversation I quipped, "haha, you're becoming an addict!" As usual I let it all whoosh over my head.

Day -28

She tells me the film has already premiered in Australia. She knows what happened, would I like her to tell me? No? Well what about this other program that Benedict Cumberbatch voices? I try to deflect her by telling her to watch another very British film. It didn't work.

Day -16

Good gods CC is definitely recording her madness now. She has blogged about Cumberbatch's works. "I figured I needed to rationalize my obsession somehow". She sends me the link to it, and to a show which I completely ignored (No spoilers for Star Trek! I won't take any chances!)

Day -7

14 May 2013 - Star Trek has been out for five days. It completely passes me by. I got a facebook post in the morning from CC asking how long Cumberbatch's role was, and if he was underused. She was going to watch it tomorrow night. Well, I had completely no idea! But this was Tuesday, with cheap tickets! The best day to watch the movie! I was extremely conflicted. I wanted so much to watch it that day, but I had so much left to do... And yet, I would willingly fail my thesis for Spock. She told me Zachary Quinto was gay. I did not go to the cinemas after all. (CC's note: I did not meant Zachary Quinto was gay in any homophobic sense, but rather as trivia since she seemed to admire Spock so much. And so do I (both actor and Spock) It was really brave of Quinto to come out, especially since he is a very public figure)

Day -4

CC has written a review of the movie, and posts the link to her blog on my facebook. I did not look at it, fearing spoilers.

Day -3

My doom is drawing nearer, the ominous signs are everywhere... And yet I had about the same awareness of it as I did when I was four years old: none at all. She reminds me to go watch it, I stubbornly cling to my thesis. Ah, the thesis. Such a significant document, filled with ideas of scientists over decades, and going to be finished off with new ideas of my own, paving the way for my entry into the scientific community. At least, that's how I like to think of it. Despite the lofty ideals, it would not save me.

Day -1

Monday. It is beginning.

I get another reminder to watch the movie. I resist again, clinging to the idea of my dear, precious thesis. CC has free tickets to watch Star Trek again, and I exclaimed that she would be able to watch Spock for free! She dismisses Spock completely, and gushes about Cumberbatch instead. I try, and fail, to defend dear old Spock. He's so smart! But she only had eyes for Cumberbatch.

Well, two can play at this game. I start criticising his looks - he looked weird to me, with a too-large nose that made his features look deformed. This would come back to haunt me later. Completely unexpectedly, she agrees with me. He's been described to look like a weird alien, she says. (Makes him look more like a psychopath in Sherlock Holmes!) (CC's note: Once again, it's just called Sherlock, and for the record, I don't think he looks like a weird alien. I just know other people who feel that way) But it's his acting she loves, it's sublime, and again she starts plying more shows at me. But I have no time to watch them! I finally countered, horrified by the huge list I have in my facebook inbox. Oh gods, I don't even have time to have a life right now. She ignores me and somehow we end up talking about his voice. I was first struck by it in the Star Trek trailers (and would never have noticed it if someone hadn't pointed it out - more proof that I probably don't deserve my degree), and I liked it. Meh, it was a good voice, nothing to really gush about - until she sent me to listen to his recitation of Ode to a Nightingale. I was in the office in the afternoon, and it gave me shivers. I turned it off after a few seconds, because it was distracting me too much, to put it mildly.

She suggests more titles to me, and I had the sudden realisation that I should have weeks ago. "So that's what you have been doing all this time? Just listening to his voice? No wonder you haven't been studying." Not only did she not deny it, she ends up dismissing one of her current assignments. Oh well, love will get her through... (CC's note: I never profess to fancy myself in love with Cumberbatch. What I am in love with is his work) I suggested she use his voice to help her sleep, and it turned out that she had already tried that. (CC's note: When I first listened to Cumberbatch's narration of Ode to a Nightingale, I couldn't stop yawning even though it was nowhere near my bedtime, so I thought I'll try listening to it to help me sleep. It did work, but for some reason I felt really silly doing it and stopped after two nights) Well, I'm definitely going to try that for my insomnia. Even if I don't end up sleeping I'll still end up with happy daydreams.

At this point it seems like her obsession has lessened somewhat, after getting her fix from Star Trek. But she continues plying me with radio shows, and facts about him, and reminding me to watch the film so that we can both gush about our respective Trekkie. Even now some part of my brain was beginning to have some inkling of what was to come, what I was about to get myself into... But the rest of my brain chose to be oblivious to it. "Oh god if you've just started an obsession in me with his voice I'm gonna hate you." "I'm not sure if I should continue indulging your obsession... It's not healthy... Or if I should even join it."

It was all written in the stones, what happened to her, and what would happen to me if I continued down this path. I am so blind.

Day 0 Tuesday, movie day

Well... It was Star Trek. I had to watch Star Trek no matter what. I had a meeting with my advisors at 10 am, and planned to go watch the screening at 1.30 pm in order to "recover" from that session. But I still had doubts about going.

"its only 2 hours 2 hours then u can go back to your normal life come on u find his voice sexy dun u"

And that sealed it. "Just two hours, then I can go back to my normal life." Oh what naivety.

I later postponed my outing to 4.30 pm just to show people I was working. I was, after all, going to watch a movie one week before my thesis was due. After noon it turned out that the other students in my office were going to watch Star Trek in the evening, too. So I postponed my outing again, to 8.30 pm, with them.

-3.5 hours

The others were already out of the office, and I couldn't find the guys I was supposed to get a lift from. I pondered watching it another day instead... The thesis was just sitting right in front of me, trying to save me from myself... And I ignored it. I ignored my thesis and took the bus to the cinema where I met my fellow office-mates, and I would watch Star Trek.

I should try to be wiser.

-2 hours

The movie begins.

0 hours

My fate has been sealed, even though I don't know it yet. All I knew was I loved the movie tremendously. I hardly even remembered to look at Spock; Cumberbatch was just so gripping. He was all that was impressed upon me that night, although I did love that scene where Spock cried. After finding out Khan's identity I realised I had missed some of the emotion that he probably showed earlier on in the show. So I would have to re-watch the movie sometime. And the tear that he shed when talking about his fellow beings, and his expressions, were wonderful as well. I had disliked his overacting in the trailers, but in the film it just seemed to fit perfectly. Khan, with his deep voice and superintelligence and his slight vulnerability for his "family"... *Starts coo-ing <3

There, evidence of brain melting. I think the reason I didn't notice it too much at the time was because of his viciousness in some scenes, and those were quite scary. I still can't believe how fast I dropped Spock. They are both smart, but Khan is vicious. And marvelously good at being a human. Not a particularly kind or empathetic one, but I did mention that I liked mean people. :/ Sorry Spock. I would still love to coo over you, but Benedict Cumberbatch takes precedent if he's present. (I definitely don't want to cuddle up to Khan.)

+0.5 hours

It is nearly midnight, and I am back at the office, for another overnight stint of thesis. I let CC know how good I thought it was, and "oh gods i think a new obsession is starting". (Finally, I'm starting to show some insight for once. But too late.)

I quite (sic) facebook after that for the rest of the night, only to come back the next morning to find her putting up more stuff and more gushings. She ended:

"hahaha im going to stop now or u are going to really really hate me lol"

Oh yes, very amusing, friend.

+11 hours

Next morning she realises she may have put up too much, and apologises (Gee, ya think!?). I have been ignoring the links anyway, no time for such trivial pursuits! My brain and my time is dedicated only to science! We continue to gush about Cumberbatch's performance. I think this was the catalyst for all the later troubles.

+20 hours

It was evening, I had spent the night before in the office without sleep, I had been up too long and I was tired. I was randomly surfing the net and my fingers (and eyes) were sneaky; I had googled Cumberbatch and learned about a couple of his ex-girlfriends before I was aware of what I was doing. He was single, hm...

Dear friend posted up this slightly panicked message from me on her facebook page. She was proud that she had "cumberbatched" me. "oh shit i just found myself googling cumberbatch and generally stalking him i'm going to go ahead and blame you"

You have no idea what you've just started... (And do read that in Khan's sinister voice.)

+24 hours

I am at home. The idea of Benedict Cumberbatch being single has been mulling in my mind on the way home. The idea of a single Benedict Cumberbatch, who looks like Professor Severus Snape, whom I have been in love with for years, starts to take on a different form in my mind...

I send off a desperate email to CC, asking her what she had done. She sent me off to bed reciting the Ode that he had recited. I went to bed with single Benedict Cumberbatch in my head, who had by now morphed into Snape and taken over him. Oh, dear...

It took me about two hours to fall asleep.

+34.5 hours

Early morning, CC sent me a message apologising for the timing of things, but NOT for "cumberbatching" me. She did not know when my thesis was due. I let her know it was due in eight days, and I do not have time to indulge in such a fantasy. In fact, on the bus ride that morning I suddenly remembered he was an actor. Just an actor - not Snape, or Khan, or Sherlock, or any other of those brilliant guys he played. Just an actor, and actors can be dumb, and I don't like dumb people. Also, all my previous infatuations have been imaginary men, so I can't fall in love with an actor in real life, right? Right?? (Please? Right??)

+37 hours

My darling friend sends me a youtube link to a deleted shower scene, of Cumberbatch, with really hard chest muscles. Good gods he wants babies, too. I should have realised then that she probably wasn't going to stop this link-sending behaviour, which had started forty days ago with her obsession. I tell her she wasn't helping; she somehow gets me to admit that I love his brain, and have completely forgotten about what he looks like. I ask her to send me something in which he shows his stupidity, that would be the only thing that could end this once and for all. But no, he just has to be intelligent in real life as well, bloody hell. That failing, I decided to try to do something with my thesis again. She continues to bombard me with links, and to watch the Graham show.

+41.5 hours

I take one of too many breaks from the thesis, and head to youtube to watch the Graham Norton show. This is my first video of him outside a show, my first time watching him not acting. I wish someone would've reached through time and yanked me back away from the computer. Too bad, I am on my own, and my doom was sealed at birth (through a deficiency in brain cells).

It is my first time watching a Graham Norton show. I do not know who Graham Norton is, so I google him, then realised that I did not care. On with the show. Chris Pine looks normal out of set, but I don't like it when guys are too hairy. Benedict Cumberbatch looks impressive, as always. Doesn't matter, I'm just watching this to see how stupid he can be. He tells his neutron cream story, and... nothing. He's... oblivious?

I was impressed (and made slightly more infatuated) by his reluctance to call his fans what they named themselves (CC is, incidentally, short for Cumber Collective. You're welcome). Shows a high level of regard and respect for people, and courtesy and decency. These are, by the way, things that I did NOT want to find out about Benedict Cumberbatch. I was... reluctantly impressed. Then he ran up to hug the girl from Germany, and my mind couldn't take it, I had to pause the video.

Why did he run up to hug the girl? What was he doing? Is he... Oh gods, is he... Nice?! Benedict Cumberbatch is a nice guy?! How dare he be nice when I was trying so hard to stop liking him?? I went back to the thesis. I ignored the video for several hours.

+44 hours

It has become clear that I am actively ignoring the video, and in doing so I am actively ignoring my thesis as well. In order to progress with the thesis I am going to have to finish the video... He hugs the other girls as well, which was wonderful... And then he does his sinister voice, and it just shows again how nice and obliging of a man he is, and wrong I have been to try to use this video to stop thinking about him. When it ended I re-watched the earlier parts, and fell in love all over again.

And the video ends; what's next?! Oh look, a google play interview with Benedict Cumberbatch! It's just 16 minutes, it won't take long. I listen to him go into a longer monologue of the neutron cream, and I am uncomfortably reminded of myself when I try to tell stories. I can never keep details out, because I want as much context as I can for the story. Context is important in stories. And Cumberbatch gives lots of context. I hope he never grows out of this habit.

The interview ends, and I spot "the truth about Benedict Cumberbatch" by Simon Pegg and Alice Eve - sounds intriguing. I loved Simon's description of him as a retard, it really helped if I saw him that way. Then Alice Eve had to go and talk about his want for a family, and children, and how he will be a good and devoted father. Oh, he would be so perfect with babies and I want his babies...

I go off to let CC know what she has done. I am going mad. I cannot stop watching his videos. I can't stop reading about him. "i love the way he can't tell a story at all! he has to bring in every single detail hahahahaha haHAHAHA oh gods help me i'm going mad"

Darling friend responds with more anecdotes of how nice he is and stories of fan interactions. Completely misses the point. Now I have to watch the Japan mob, and read the story, and oh poor Cumberbatch, I hope you're not too scarred by this incident, please don't lose the charming niceness you have now! And then I realise what I am thinking, and am horrified at what I have become. I am showing concern for a man half the world away and whose only attractive trait is that he has a talent for acting. This is so much worse than a crush on Snape because he is actually real, and I can keep finding out more things about him and I can keep fantasizing. CC ignores my very obvious and steady spiral into madness. She sends over more links! She tells me he learned to play the guitar with very few lessons! (CC's note: it's actually the violin I was referring to) God damn Benedict Cumberbatch why did you have to do that?!

For the rest of the night I alternate between finding out a new reason why I am so hopelessly infatuated and messaging her (only for her to agree and send EVEN MORE links on why he is so awesome), and remembering some adorable trait that he had. I spent the night in the office. I spent less than two hours on my thesis. 50 hours after I watched that evil, poisonous film my brain has melted and it has run off to join the tons of other fangirls standing around cheering him. I cannot do any work because Cumberbatch is in my brain and refuses to let all other pieces of information in.

It was less than nine hours from being a tolerable admiration of an actor to full blown hopeless brainless obsession all because of that bloody Graham Norton video. And good gods it refuses to stop, my brain refuses to stop wanting him. It wants him to come down to Australia so that I can have my very own Benedict Cumberbatch. I try to let CC know again, and again she sends more links, feeding the madness deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. It doesn't stop, yet Benedict Cumberbatch won't come to stop it, so it won't stop...

I am reminded of her earlier message: "'s messed up..."

It is, and I have no idea what the frakk is going on, and how this one man has so much power to cause it. But apparently CC only wants to interview him (CC's note: in the capacity of a wannabe journalist; I have an associate degree in journalism), she doesn't have to fight strange hormonal urges that also wants babies.

The hormones seem to have dissipated now, and as long as I keep off all other articles about him and stop watching youtube videos of him until after my thesis I'll hopefully be able to get an undergraduate degree.

I have no idea why I just spent four hours typing this out.

(CC's note: The hyperlinks interspersed throughout the article have been added by me for additional context)