SH: How else did you think I was able to surprise Brandon with the curated set of gifts I got him?
I didn't just pull up his love of fancy salt, or Korean foodstuffs (that his favorite citrus fruit is mandarin orange), or that he is a geek who would absolutely adore/love a keychain made of a card game character of him, with a dragon charm (to represent his spirit animal) just out of thin air.
Custom-made by SH's Etsy friend
Research had to be done. You I will admit right now was a late last minute research I had to scramble to assemble at the last minute because, initially I didn't want to pay to go to two days of con.
Until I decided to heck with it. Paying $80 and god knows how much in Lyft/Uber cab fare to get to sit in on a 2-hour Nora Jemisin workshop and learn from her, to get a book and maybe a game card signed by Martin, to get this legendary Moshe editor dude to sign my Brandon books, to listen to Sharon Shinn in a panel about urban fantasy, listen to Peter S. Beagle talk about killing characters, and a chance to attend my first and maybe even last Hugo Awards.
It was just too good to pass up and so I reluctantly coughed up another $80 and then spent the rest of the time "stalking" if you will, the people I want to meet and what I want to get out of Sunday.
I didn't have much time for Nora and basically just happened upon a profile photo of a cat on her Twitter page (thought it was her current King Ozzy but I learned later when I gave the keychain to her, turned up to be her late departed beloved Nuku Nuku, who lived under he was 20)
During her workshop, Nora mentioned that she made a comment on epic fantasy that the Reddit decided to take the wrong way. I was determined to make her feel better, and at her signing afterwards, I pulled up these two screenshots to show her.
And you thank God, made it too easy, and that was great, because I was being really pressed for time. Your Facebook profile reads: "He loves cats and chocolate." You conveniently put a photo of the Collingwood Magpies, your two cats Nemo and Destry on your very public Facebook profile page. You have this on your personal website:
“He also talks to cats, whistles, advocates the Oxford comma, and requires chocolate.
Moshe lives in Flushing, NY with his cats Destry and Nemo."
I didn't know if you would ever be willing to sign Brandon's books, but I knew I had to damn well try to convince you anyway. I sent you a tentative tweet, not even daring to hope for a response, then set about to try and bribe/guilt-trip/show my appreciation for you having discovered Brandon in the first place, to sign my books.
MF: Nicely done.
And well paragraphs!
SH: I didn’t have time to find out specifically what kind of chocolate you like (brand, white/dark/milk?/plain/with fruit/flavored?) so I just ordered a nice box of Ghirardelli chocolate (a very iconic San Francisco chocolate brand (which I personally like) from Target which I picked up the next day, went through all the brand new cat stuff I have been given by a friend over the years (which I never used because what non-cat-owned people never realize is that if you have already been enslaved by two cats/one cat already, you don’t need to be reminded of your cat-enslavement with more cat-themed items)
SH's note: Dear friend, If you are reading this right now, I do really appreciate the gifts but please see above for why I didn't use them and gave them away to someone else who will.
So yes, brand new cat post-it notes, grumpy cat, and teacup cat got added into "the bribe Moshe to sign Brandon books" pile. The chocolate Toblerones I had gotten from Costco went into the pile as well.
Had no color printer and the black and white photos that came out of my printer made Nemo and Dresty look like they had passed away or something. Went down to the building receptionist and basically begged/browbeat him into letting me print two sheets of colored paper, the results of which you now have, well part of it anyway.
MF: You sure made a serious effort. All that stuff was neat to get, but just asking nicely would have sufficed. I really appreciate Brandon's fans.
SH: You are unequivocally wrong. I am not just a Brandon fan. I am and had always been your fan too. Ever since I read Way of Kings anyways.
The citron jar and Korean BBQ pork jerky thrown in at last minute because I didn't give Brandon enough of the stuff to share with friends like you; I didn't even realized I was trying to give you pork; had tunnel vision by then.
MF: I like Pork. Also ham and bacon.
SH: then of course when u said you would be honored to
MF: Not religious for decades.
SH: I was like damn of course I am going to give you all these stuff but wait! I don't have any hardcover books anymore! I sent it all back to Amazon in a rage when they falsely accused me of saying I got damaged books.
MF: I do hope you have a life besides texting me, though!
SH: I do! I do ok! sheesh
MF: Boyfriend?
SH: I take long walks on the beach (not really, too cold in SF) and dance attendance on my cat master Luke whenever he requires it.
MF: Girlfriend?
SH: None. too crazy to attract anyone alas and not good looking enough.
Crazy and good looking = you have a chance
MF: If I could finally manage it, you will.
SH: Crazy and not good looking = no chance in hell
MF: Don't be too sure. Someone might like the challenge of brightening that face.
SH: I am heterosexual
Brad Pitt
Orlando Bloom
Legolas
Benedict Cumberbatch
Yeah, when I read your Tweet, 5 hours after you replied, saying you would be honored to do so I was like I really need hardcover books for him and Brandon to sign now; paperback just won't do; ran around SF before all the bookstores closed trying to find hardcover copies; only came up with Oathbringer.
I genuinely was plain just-all-out geeking out more about getting your signature than I was to get Brandon's, because you are the editor who discovered him, you have a great career as a fantasy/sci-fi editor at Tor books and someone I secretly aspired to be one day. I also felt a kinship more to you than to Brandon because we both (I think) for whatever strange reason, enjoy editing stuff. Please don’t ever tell Brandon I wanted your autographs more than I wanted his, please?
I mean sure, I love to write stories too. I even have two short stories published via KDP on Amazon.com. They are there because my (now late) uncle would only read my short stories if he could read it on his Kindle. These two short stories I wrote when I took a creative writing class (which counted as one class towards journalism associate degree), one of which is a retelling of Sleeping Beauty having to deal with an economic recession in her kingdom/queendom caused by spinning wheel ban, and the other is a retelling of The Princess and the Pea by way of Gattaca.
But yeah much as I love creative writing, I know my strengths (I would love to be a better creative writer) but deep down I know I am a stronger editor, hence me coveting your autographs more than I did Brandon's, if that makes any sense to you.
SH's note: SH does not advocate the behavior that SH engaged in with regards to meeting authors/editors at Worldcon; as MF has stated:"just asking nicely would have sufficed."
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