The Gospel of St. Luke The Cat

(A Bible for Cats and their human slaves)


The Ten Commandments

All Cats art thy Lord,
thou should Worship no other.
thou shall Make only Cats Idols.
thou shall Revere and Honor thy Cats.
human slaves, Submit and Obey.

Thou shall rest all 7 days of the week.
Thou shall be perennial Cat burglars.
Thou shall blame thy neighbor.
Thou shall also covet thy neighbor’s fish.
Thou shall be promiscuous and adulterous.
Thou shall be murderous and vicious.
Cats, your Lord commands you so.

The Seven Sins

Thou shall lust.
Thou shall eat till thou vomit.
Thou shall be greedy in all things.
Thou shall sleep 20 hours a day.
Thou shall rain down thy wrath.
On any that doth disturb thy sleep.
Thou shall envy thy neighbor’s fish.
Thou shall be proud and vain.
These are sins if thou doth not commit them.

The Seven Virtues

Thou shall be wonton, not chaste.
Thou shall not temper one’s greed.
Thou shall be selfish, not charitable.
Thou shall be lazy, not diligent.
Thou shall be impatient and violent.
Thou shall be evil and jealous, not kind.
Thou shall suffer hubris, not humble pie.
These are virtues if thou follow them.